Category Archives: Men
Protected: I Met a Cowboy
Protected: I Love a Stranger
My Deal-breakers..
I recently shared my blog: Top Ten for a Husband with someone. They said something like…”Can you live without any of these? Are any of these deal-breakers?” I thought about it and responded that I have a list of deal-breakers…and began listing those. Then this person proceeded to tell me what was missing from my blog.
I’ve thought a lot about it – and have decided to write a list of my true deal-breakers for a lasting relationship. Those items I refuse to give in on and those I will not live without in a future spouse.
Thanks for calling me on this!
First – are “No Thank You’s”
1) Smoking – No thank you; that includes e-Cigs
2) Drugs – NO THANK YOU
3) Drinking – I want to be with someone who doesn’t need this…ever.
4) Liars – Lying is one of the most difficult relationship traits to get over. Someone who is deceitful enough to cover up or lie about something because they don’t want you to know the truth or to answer you truthfully when asked a question is someone with whom I cannot build a relationship. This includes those times when they avoid answering the question…what are they hiding??
5) Non-Monogamous – I will not share my husband with someone else. Two people who love each other and respect each other can find shared bliss. You make the relationship work by both of you continuing to communicate and share intimate moments with when all else could be falling apart. The closeness you can find in a loving and honest relationship where you cleave only unto each other is one that will succeed. I want that! I want a husband who wants that!
These – are “must have’s”
(I am a Latter Day Saint (LDS) or Mormon, and these are based on my religious beliefs)
1) They must be LDS. A shared vision of what I believe can bring us closer together with a common understanding of eternal happiness.
2) They must attend church..and have a true relationship with God, the Almighty; attendance at meetings is important to me. It means they are willing to engage in a behavior that proves they love the Lord.
3) I want a temple marriage. If they can’t take me to the temple, then why would I choose them?
4) Prayer is a daily part of their life. Having a relationship with the Savior through daily prayer is a must. I think a couple can weather any storm if they truly pray individually and together as a couple, inviting the spirit to help them improve and grow together.
Finally, I’m saying straight up – I’m Not Perfect. I don’t expect perfection, but I want to be with someone who is striving for that just as I am – and someone who can accept that I make mistakes and help me overcome them just like I know I can accept them for their imperfections. We can work together to get where we want to be – Living in the presence of a loving Heavenly Father and raising a righteous family.
New Friends..of the Opposite Sex
Sometimes we meet new people that interest us. We carry on a conversation, find that we have much in common and hope that a new friendship might ensue.
There’s a leap of faith that has to happen when you make new friends, and often that leap of faith means we decide to put some level of trust towards making it work.
First of all, and especially if you’re like me and not married, you have to know what the expectations are going to be. When I meet someone of the opposite sex that I am interested in…being friends with first…I ask myself the following questions:
I guess when I find myself wanting to talk to that person more and more because they intrigue me, I realize I am investing time into the friendship – which must signify that I might want more than just a simple friendship.
There are often emotional feelings that go along with this type of friendship. I am a somewhat emotional person at heart; I find that I feel a certain way when talking to someone I care about and with whom I want to build a relationship. Even if that intended relationship is just a caring friendship.
However, I am constantly reminded that men and women view these types of relationships differently. I believe that it’s inherently difficult for a man to just be friends with a woman he’s attracted to. He either wants to sleep with her, or he can’t be friends with her. The sexual attraction overrides his ability to be platonic. May not be true for all men, and I know this sounds stereo-typical. But I’ve found very few men who do not feel this way.
For women, I don’t think that’s the case. It’s not to say that a woman can’t be attracted to a man and want to be with him, but that they can have an emotional attachment to a man without wanting to sleep with him.
I find that my driving factors in emotional relationships have more to do with the caring aspect of nurturing and symbiotic outcomes than that need for other gratifications.
So, back to the beginning…
A new friendship is a great beginning. I like finding our commonalities and hoping that as we find more and more that an attraction can lead to an emotional attachment and relationship with mutual satisfaction.
Recently read a passage from the book: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown that sums it up:
“Practicing authenticity can feel like a daunting choice. There’s risk involved in putting your true self out in the world.” She goes on to say that there is probably more risk in hiding who we really are from the world because we don’t share our ideas and gifts with others who could benefit from them. It also is a way of not accepting who we truly are – our authentic self is masked behind what we choose to not share.
I try every day to be authentic. That does not mean I freely share everything as I find that some things are truly private and I like it that way. But friendship is the place to start. My focus – is on building with great conversations!
Poem: Hungry Eyes
Hungry Eyes
by Stephanie Quinn
Stepping out of my Seattle apartment
I feel a nice cool breeze caress my legs
I lock the door behind me and dread paying the rent
I stop at my favorite cafe to pay for an order of scrambled eggs
My heels click as I step off of the pavement
Why are all of their hungry eyes on me
I thought I looked the same as every other day
Same lip gloss and mascara and hair that flows free
The man with spiked hair licks his lips in a way
That is obvious what he wants to see
He whispers something to his friend with a gesture
And a cheeky grin on his face
The friend glances at me with humor
I take out my makeup bag and find my compact case
What are they seeing that is so amusing
I glance over my shoulder to find an empty chair
All I know is that men are so confusing
Is my beauty the reason why they stare
Two can play this game
I’ve been called quite a tease
I push my chest out and my body calls his name
I didn’t know my seduction would capture him with such ease
Spiked hair man casually struts over to my table
Once again he flashes his sideways smile
He asks if I’m feeling stable
I reply yes after a short while
His next question took a minute to sink in
He asks if I rushed this morning
I tell him yes confused yet again
He nods his head towards my toes and back up with warning
I look down and my face flushes red
My confusion is suddenly gone
He smiles at me and nods his head
I forgot to put my pants on.
Another poem from the Weber State University Metaphor Fall 2014 published work. When I first read this, I laughed for about ten minutes. I thought that the world at large would also get a kick out of it. Great writing can come from some of our most embarrassing moments. 🙂
Not in That Way – Sam Smith
Sam Smith – song from In the Lonely Hour
Love can be painful when it’s not reciprocated!
Lyrics:
And I hate to say I love you
When it’s so hard for me
And I hate to say I want you
When you make it so clear
You don’t want me
I’d never ask you cause deep down
I’m certain I know what you’d say
You’d say I’m sorry believe me
I love you but not in that way
And I hate to say I need you
I’m so reliant
I’m so dependent
I’m such a fool
When you’re not there
I find myself singing the blues
Can’t bear
Can’t face the truth
You will never know that feeling
You will never see through these eyes
I’d never ask you
Cause deep down I’m certain I know what you’d say
You’d say I’m sorry
Believe me
I love you
But not in that way
You’d say I’m sorry
Believe me
I love you
But not in that way
Time marches on..
There is something to be said for those who wait patiently for love to happen..
They aren’t standing idly by doing nothing, but often the opportunities are in someone else’s hands.
Meeting someone you find interesting or intriguing is only the first step. You must then pursue with interest
what it is you like most about them and see if it matches up with what you want in a relationship.
Often the person you are talking with is also talking to others..and you both are narrowing down the
playing field like checking off statistics to a favorite team.
When you find someone in particular that piques your curiosity – and a connection happens –
that in no wise means they feel the same thing.
You aim for a date; hoping that the two of you can connect.
If they live close, you take a chance on making it work;
If they live out of state or further away, you have to find a way to entice them to meet with you…
that the risk would be worth it. After all, time is marching on.
The beauty they see in your picture might be enough to spark the conversation;
but what will urge them to want more with you? What will insight them to action?
As time plays the number game with you both – pretty soon the days become weeks and then before you know it
a month or more has passed.
If you could choose him..would he choose you? What is it that says you both fit? And still, time continues…to march on.
You finally make your decision; there are more ways than one to get him interested.
However, it’s still his choice! Ball is in his court! You can’t make someone love you
or want to get to know you if they aren’t ready!
So, as time marches on – you must continue to be the type of woman he would want to be with – and hopefully
He will choose you when it counts. If he’s truly the one you’re meant to be with,
you want to be there when he chooses..You.
Scammers of the Heart
I’ve been online trying to find love for over a year now.
What exactly does that mean?
It means that I’ve been trying to meet men through online websites by posting personal information and pictures in the hopes that I can meet, date, and fall in love. I know there are millions of men and women doing this, and I know many who have been successful at it.
My experience thus far has been a mixed chaotic one.
Today, I’ve again realized that there are men out there just trying to scam women ~ and I’m one of the latest victims.
This man was clever. He has been talking to me for over 9 weeks. He has been friendly, kind, loving, and attentive ~ well all of those things as much as he could be ~ in an online forum.
Fortunately for me, he is not the only man I’ve been talking with, but it’s clearly evident that I must have let my guard down too much for him to have kept me in conversation for so long. I’m extremely upset with myself! What was I thinking!!!!
My caution to all of you is to be aware of your conversations and what you share with someone you meet online and never get to meet in person. If you can’t work it out to meet and date in person, question everything!
This latest event is one of seven such scammers that I’ve encountered in the last 14 months. I will not do that anymore. I am saying now that I am not giving up on my chance to find love. I am still looking for the one man who will be my life’s companion and partner. However I am determined to watch for the signs very early and not get led down a path of conversation without some in person contact first.
I will be happy every day for the wary nature I have that leads me to uncover people like him that are only out to harm women by scamming them without any chance of love.
SOME MEN JUST SUCK!
hidden words of truth 