Something to Say

I’ve come to a point in my life where I feel like I have an opinion…about most everything. And sometimes I just need to say something. I want my voice to be heard.

That being said, I don’t always speak up.

I often get inside my head and it takes some time to sort out exactly what I want to say or ask. Once I do say something, then it’s on the other party to answer…or not.

How do we handle a non-answer?

Not an easy thing to do. I try to give the other person space to take in what I say and to decide how to respond. However, when the answer or response never comes – that’s when I shake my head in exasperation. Having a meaningful conversation where we both say what’s on our mind and try to work through whatever needs to be said is how people find common ground.

We want to be heard; we want to be acknowledged; we want to be understood. Well, maybe, it’s just me that wants that.

There are certainly times when we find ourselves in a quandary. A place where there may be no answers; no responses. Others can perplex us and make it difficult to move forward.

You’ve probably heard the phrase – if you’re not moving forward then you’re only moving backwards. There’s no middle ground. Making no decision is in essence making a No decision.

I have something to say.

Are you listening? Will you listen?

And, what will you hear?

Fine With Asking

Someone asks you, “How are you doing?”

You answer, “I’m fine.”

Do you really mean it? There are times when we truly are fine, but maybe it’s the tone they take when asking that makes you respond in such a way that makes them question or ask, “really?”.

I am someone who doesn’t mind if people ask, but I do not always think they are asking for my benefit; I worry that they will take that question one step further into my response that will possibly hurt their feelings, “It’s actually none of your business!” If you know me well, you’ll know by my response if I’m willing to share more.

I don’t like when others “grill” me about my life. I like to volunteer information on my own terms. Maybe this is because I’m a single woman who has come a long way to get where I am today, and I like who I am now. Probing me about how I’m doing is very personal. And, if I don’t know you well, I don’t want to share. It makes me vulnerable. Being vulnerable is not a place I’m comfortable with any longer.

That doesn’t mean I can’t be vulnerable to those I love. I can be. But it has to be on my terms.

So you can ask; I may not answer the way you expect, but I will answer with what I’m comfortable with; Accept it and if you really want to know me better ~ someday I might divulge more.

For now, “I’m fine.”

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My Deal-breakers..

I recently shared my blog: Top Ten for a Husband with someone. They said something like…”Can you live without any of these? Are any of these deal-breakers?” I thought about it and responded that I have a list of deal-breakers…and began listing those. Then this person proceeded to tell me what was missing from my blog.
I’ve thought a lot about it – and have decided to write a list of my true deal-breakers for a lasting relationship. Those items I refuse to give in on and those I will not live without in a future spouse.
Thanks for calling me on this!

First – are “No Thank You’s”
1) Smoking – No thank you; that includes e-Cigs

2) Drugs – NO THANK YOU

3) Drinking – I want to be with someone who doesn’t need this…ever.

4) Liars – Lying is one of the most difficult relationship traits to get over. Someone who is deceitful enough to cover up or lie about something because they don’t want you to know the truth or to answer you truthfully when asked a question is someone with whom I cannot build a relationship. This includes those times when they avoid answering the question…what are they hiding??

5) Non-Monogamous – I will not share my husband with someone else. Two people who love each other and respect each other can find shared bliss. You make the relationship work by both of you continuing to communicate and share intimate moments with when all else could be falling apart. The closeness you can find in a loving and honest relationship where you cleave only unto each other is one that will succeed. I want that! I want a husband who wants that!

These – are “must have’s”
(I am a Latter Day Saint (LDS) or Mormon, and these are based on my religious beliefs)
1) They must be LDS. A shared vision of what I believe can bring us closer together with a common understanding of eternal happiness.

2) They must attend church..and have a true relationship with God, the Almighty; attendance at meetings is important to me. It means they are willing to engage in a behavior that proves they love the Lord.

3) I want a temple marriage. If they can’t take me to the temple, then why would I choose them?

4) Prayer is a daily part of their life. Having a relationship with the Savior through daily prayer is a must. I think a couple can weather any storm if they truly pray individually and together as a couple, inviting the spirit to help them improve and grow together.

Finally, I’m saying straight up – I’m Not Perfect. I don’t expect perfection, but I want to be with someone who is striving for that just as I am – and someone who can accept that I make mistakes and help me overcome them just like I know I can accept them for their imperfections. We can work together to get where we want to be – Living in the presence of a loving Heavenly Father and raising a righteous family.

New Friends..of the Opposite Sex

Sometimes we meet new people that interest us. We carry on a conversation, find that we have much in common and hope that a new friendship might ensue.
There’s a leap of faith that has to happen when you make new friends, and often that leap of faith means we decide to put some level of trust towards making it work.

First of all, and especially if you’re like me and not married, you have to know what the expectations are going to be. When I meet someone of the opposite sex that I am interested in…being friends with first…I ask myself the following questions:

Is there an expectation that we will talk often?

If yes, will we just text, chat, talk or will we hang out? possibly date?

Do we or could we want more than friendship at some point?

Am I attracted to that person? Are they attracted to me? How can I tell?

I guess when I find myself wanting to talk to that person more and more because they intrigue me, I realize I am investing time into the friendship – which must signify that I might want more than just a simple friendship.

There are often emotional feelings that go along with this type of friendship. I am a somewhat emotional person at heart; I find that I feel a certain way when talking to someone I care about and with whom I want to build a relationship. Even if that intended relationship is just a caring friendship.

However, I am constantly reminded that men and women view these types of relationships differently. I believe that it’s inherently difficult for a man to just be friends with a woman he’s attracted to. He either wants to sleep with her, or he can’t be friends with her. The sexual attraction overrides his ability to be platonic. May not be true for all men, and I know this sounds stereo-typical. But I’ve found very few men who do not feel this way.
For women, I don’t think that’s the case. It’s not to say that a woman can’t be attracted to a man and want to be with him, but that they can have an emotional attachment to a man without wanting to sleep with him.

I find that my driving factors in emotional relationships have more to do with the caring aspect of nurturing and symbiotic outcomes than that need for other gratifications.

So, back to the beginning…
A new friendship is a great beginning. I like finding our commonalities and hoping that as we find more and more that an attraction can lead to an emotional attachment and relationship with mutual satisfaction.

Recently read a passage from the book: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown that sums it up:
“Practicing authenticity can feel like a daunting choice. There’s risk involved in putting your true self out in the world.” She goes on to say that there is probably more risk in hiding who we really are from the world because we don’t share our ideas and gifts with others who could benefit from them. It also is a way of not accepting who we truly are – our authentic self is masked behind what we choose to not share.

I try every day to be authentic. That does not mean I freely share everything as I find that some things are truly private and I like it that way. But friendship is the place to start. My focus – is on building with great conversations!

Summer’s End

Though Fall is upon us and Summer is nearing an end, my body craves more of that old familiar time – Vacation Hours.
There weren’t enough camping trips; not nearly enough hikes; the kayak tasting watery strokes were meager.

The family dynamic keeps changing with children’s lives always experiencing some turmoil.
I’m grateful when I can find a moment or two of peace for myself.

The loss of two dear loved ones this summer – Gay & Keith – keep my heart a little sad and desperate for loving relationships.
Both meant so much to me; both have touched my life for good; both brought happiness to my soul.

A normal ending to summer is usually marked by Fall’s responsibilities. This year seems to be no different. 
The only thing that has changed is my perspective.

I thought I wouldn’t be teaching again – I am.
I thought I wouldn’t take a course (too busy) – I am.
I thought I’d be in a serious and committed relationship – I am not.
I thought I’d be saving more and spending less – RIGHT..what was I thinking!

Regardless of all the Fall 2014 thoughts, the summer’s end marks a new beginning. It’s not as planned..but it still might turn out right by the end of the year. 🙂 One can only hope!

Time marches on..

There is something to be said for those who wait patiently for love to happen..
They aren’t standing idly by doing nothing, but often the opportunities are in someone else’s hands.
Meeting someone you find interesting or intriguing is only the first step. You must then pursue with interest
what it is you like most about them and see if it matches up with what you want in a relationship.
Often the person you are talking with is also talking to others..and you both are narrowing down the
playing field like checking off statistics to a favorite team.

When you find someone in particular that piques your curiosity – and a connection happens –
that in no wise means they feel the same thing.
You aim for a date; hoping that the two of you can connect.
If they live close, you take a chance on making it work;
If they live out of state or further away, you have to find a way to entice them to meet with you…
that the risk would be worth it. After all, time is marching on.

The beauty they see in your picture might be enough to spark the conversation;
but what will urge them to want more with you? What will insight them to action?
As time plays the number game with you both – pretty soon the days become weeks and then before you know it
a month or more has passed.
If you could choose him..would he choose you? What is it that says you both fit? And still, time continues…to march on.
You finally make your decision; there are more ways than one to get him interested.

However, it’s still his choice! Ball is in his court! You can’t make someone love you
or want to get to know you if they aren’t ready!
So, as time marches on – you must continue to be the type of woman he would want to be with – and hopefully
He will choose you when it counts. If he’s truly the one you’re meant to be with,
you want to be there when he chooses..You.