My Deal-breakers..

I recently shared my blog: Top Ten for a Husband with someone. They said something like…”Can you live without any of these? Are any of these deal-breakers?” I thought about it and responded that I have a list of deal-breakers…and began listing those. Then this person proceeded to tell me what was missing from my blog.
I’ve thought a lot about it – and have decided to write a list of my true deal-breakers for a lasting relationship. Those items I refuse to give in on and those I will not live without in a future spouse.
Thanks for calling me on this!

First – are “No Thank You’s”
1) Smoking – No thank you; that includes e-Cigs

2) Drugs – NO THANK YOU

3) Drinking – I want to be with someone who doesn’t need this…ever.

4) Liars – Lying is one of the most difficult relationship traits to get over. Someone who is deceitful enough to cover up or lie about something because they don’t want you to know the truth or to answer you truthfully when asked a question is someone with whom I cannot build a relationship. This includes those times when they avoid answering the question…what are they hiding??

5) Non-Monogamous – I will not share my husband with someone else. Two people who love each other and respect each other can find shared bliss. You make the relationship work by both of you continuing to communicate and share intimate moments with when all else could be falling apart. The closeness you can find in a loving and honest relationship where you cleave only unto each other is one that will succeed. I want that! I want a husband who wants that!

These – are “must have’s”
(I am a Latter Day Saint (LDS) or Mormon, and these are based on my religious beliefs)
1) They must be LDS. A shared vision of what I believe can bring us closer together with a common understanding of eternal happiness.

2) They must attend church..and have a true relationship with God, the Almighty; attendance at meetings is important to me. It means they are willing to engage in a behavior that proves they love the Lord.

3) I want a temple marriage. If they can’t take me to the temple, then why would I choose them?

4) Prayer is a daily part of their life. Having a relationship with the Savior through daily prayer is a must. I think a couple can weather any storm if they truly pray individually and together as a couple, inviting the spirit to help them improve and grow together.

Finally, I’m saying straight up – I’m Not Perfect. I don’t expect perfection, but I want to be with someone who is striving for that just as I am – and someone who can accept that I make mistakes and help me overcome them just like I know I can accept them for their imperfections. We can work together to get where we want to be – Living in the presence of a loving Heavenly Father and raising a righteous family.

Faith in the Future

Finding the road you are meant to travel is different for everyone.

Many wander aimlessly through life – never plotting a path or selecting carefully each step they plan to make. Others find that plotting every step brings them the most joy – because without planning they fear what the future will bring. Still others find that a mix of planning and spontaneous decision making is the best way to go. Maybe they are on to something…do we know?

In this life we are making choices every day that tell others who we are. If we choose ~ it better be something we can live with ~ because there are always consequences to our actions ~ and someone is always watching.

Faith – that’s another thing all together. Faith is a belief in something we cannot see that is true. Many equate faith to religion only. They either believe in a God or they believe in a higher power. I declare that I believe in a higher power myself. And, I think that faith in a higher power can give me strength to make choices I can live with.

It can also be: faith in one’s abilities, faith in a process, faith in others, faith in truth. These types of faith are how people feel about their interactions in the world – such as:
1) that the law of physics that if we practice our abilities will all work as we’ve learned;
2) that if laws are set and we elect officials to ensure laws are upheld and just – then we have faith the process with work; 3) we reveal who we are as a person to those we care about and trust – and by doing so, we have faith in those people that they will strengthen us and not reveal our private information we’ve entrusted with them; and
4) we hold the value of truth in that if we are honest and tell the truth – there is an expectation that the truth will always set you free. That freedom doesn’t mean you go free necessarily; but it can mean that you will be free from guilt or pressure to continue to lie.

I have faith that I can live in the future with the choices I’ve made.
I have learned a lot in classes and in business to be able to help others.
I have elected people I believe to be honest and just and will ensure that processes happen as they are intended; that all receive fair and just outcomes.
I have shared much of my private life with people I’ve met and grown close to in the hopes that we would be each other’s confidant. That hasn’t always served me well. But I chose to risk for a chance at love.
And finally, I have discovered that the truth is very important. I tell the truth and expect others to tell the truth to me as well.

In conclusion – Faith is what we make of it; what we bring to the table of decisions and choices and lessons learned. I have faith that I can continue to add value to this life and receive value from others because …

I haven’t lost faith.

Time marches on..

There is something to be said for those who wait patiently for love to happen..
They aren’t standing idly by doing nothing, but often the opportunities are in someone else’s hands.
Meeting someone you find interesting or intriguing is only the first step. You must then pursue with interest
what it is you like most about them and see if it matches up with what you want in a relationship.
Often the person you are talking with is also talking to others..and you both are narrowing down the
playing field like checking off statistics to a favorite team.

When you find someone in particular that piques your curiosity – and a connection happens –
that in no wise means they feel the same thing.
You aim for a date; hoping that the two of you can connect.
If they live close, you take a chance on making it work;
If they live out of state or further away, you have to find a way to entice them to meet with you…
that the risk would be worth it. After all, time is marching on.

The beauty they see in your picture might be enough to spark the conversation;
but what will urge them to want more with you? What will insight them to action?
As time plays the number game with you both – pretty soon the days become weeks and then before you know it
a month or more has passed.
If you could choose him..would he choose you? What is it that says you both fit? And still, time continues…to march on.
You finally make your decision; there are more ways than one to get him interested.

However, it’s still his choice! Ball is in his court! You can’t make someone love you
or want to get to know you if they aren’t ready!
So, as time marches on – you must continue to be the type of woman he would want to be with – and hopefully
He will choose you when it counts. If he’s truly the one you’re meant to be with,
you want to be there when he chooses..You.