Something to Say

I’ve come to a point in my life where I feel like I have an opinion…about most everything. And sometimes I just need to say something. I want my voice to be heard.

That being said, I don’t always speak up.

I often get inside my head and it takes some time to sort out exactly what I want to say or ask. Once I do say something, then it’s on the other party to answer…or not.

How do we handle a non-answer?

Not an easy thing to do. I try to give the other person space to take in what I say and to decide how to respond. However, when the answer or response never comes – that’s when I shake my head in exasperation. Having a meaningful conversation where we both say what’s on our mind and try to work through whatever needs to be said is how people find common ground.

We want to be heard; we want to be acknowledged; we want to be understood. Well, maybe, it’s just me that wants that.

There are certainly times when we find ourselves in a quandary. A place where there may be no answers; no responses. Others can perplex us and make it difficult to move forward.

You’ve probably heard the phrase – if you’re not moving forward then you’re only moving backwards. There’s no middle ground. Making no decision is in essence making a No decision.

I have something to say.

Are you listening? Will you listen?

And, what will you hear?

Being Diabetic: Why It’s A Pain

Growing up in a home where my mother didn’t like sweets was the norm. It didn’t mean that I didn’t like them. In fact, I think it made my enjoyment of them even more profound. I didn’t always eat the healthiest. I didn’t drink a lot of water. But I did drink a lot of milk, eat three meals a day, and I was active. I remember going through several years when I would weigh myself twice a day and track it in a little book. My mother was always on a diet, and she thought I needed to be on one as well.

I have avoided the word D I E T like the plague since I was in my early teens. I wasn’t worried about all of that stuff. I wanted to enjoy my life, and food is a part of that; always has been.

In my early married years we ate healthy as the money had to stretch further so buying essentials was important. However, I worked at convenience store, so of course other foods would sneak in. Moving from Utah to Georgia in the early eighties meant I was being exposed to a whole new culture of food and eating experiences. Many of the southern foods I loved right away; some I would never grow to love. This love/hate relationship with foods sometimes caused friction with my MIL, but I liked what I liked. That was it.

I am a mother of six, five of whom I birthed. During two pregnancies (my 2nd and 5th) I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I ate healthy during my pregnancies, but I would eat or drink some items to extremes. I remember eating a can of green beans for dinner; or, drinking an entire gallon of milk in less than two days. I remember eating my favorite food on a daily basis (Cottage Cheese and Tomatoes smothered in pepper!) And, I remember doctor’s being extremely unforgiving and wanting me to take shots. I refused.

No way was I going to do the one thing that scared me more than anything else. I hated needles. I faint at the sight of them, and my anxiety over getting a shot has always been extreme. I can’t even watch a movie when they pull out a needle. (Just ask my family!)

However, here I am now in my late 50’s and I’ve been a diabetic for over 10 years. I give myself shots daily, and I hate it.

Some perspective…

I am not under weight. Never have been. I am probably considered overweight by everyone. However, I accept who I am for what I am. I’ve gone through periods where I lost a ton of weight and ate extremely healthy, but I was still diabetic. I’ve gone through periods of depression and ate comfort food, and I was still diabetic. Today, I weigh more than I’d like, and during this Coronavirus period I’m not exercising or as active as much as I should be, and I’m still diabetic.

I pay attention to which foods spike my blood sugar and when I shouldn’t eat them. I pay attention to my triggers – you know – the foods that I want to eat anyway and do it. I pay attention to my body and do my best to improve, but sometimes it’s a tradeoff.

The pain of being a diabetic comes now in other ways. It’s the meds. When you work with an insurance company who doesn’t allow you to find the medicine that works best for you, you end up trying a ton of meds that don’t work. I’ve had bouts of nausea on a daily basis, which led to tears and depression because I couldn’t go on like that. I’ve been using a pen med for over three years now, and it works well in conjunction with other meds, but my insurance won’t fund it. That means I am relying on samples through my doctor’s office to use a medicine that works better for me…and I have an unstable supply.

With the rise in costs for insulin being in the news, I worry about how this might continue to affect me in the future. However, diabetes is something I believe I will continue to deal with for some time to come. It might be reversible in others, but I’ve tried much and don’t see that being something that will happen for me. I check religiously for external signs of what this disease/condition is doing to my body. I get regular massages and I am doing my best to manage it.

It’s still a pain. Giving myself a daily shot (or two) isn’t great. But I’m managing. I still cover my eyes when watching a movie. I am realistic about my eating choices, and I hardly ever eat French Fries now!

Speaking To Inspire

We listen to people every day. People have something to say, something they are passionate about. Often when we listen to someone speaking, we want to hear their message, but the way they say it can get in the way of that message.

A good speaker can deliver a message. We may or may not remember it weeks later, but a great speaker weaves a story that inspires us. We can feel how the message will in essence change us.

As a Toastmaster since 2000, I’ve given many speeches. Some of course were about me – who I am and what I’ve experienced. Others were about my work, my dating life, or my plans for the future. And still others, were meant to inspire. Becoming a great speaker isn’t something you can do overnight. You need to search for what makes you get up every morning and what drives you. What you’re most passionate about. Then speak about it – often.

I certainly hear a lot of people speaking; I hear the words they are saying, and I know that words can have meaning. However, I am not sure I’m always listening to what they mean to say. It’s easy to trip up on the use of the wrong words; or even the filler words they use over and over again. You know, the so’s, um’s. ah’s…those pesky thought breakers; speech stealers.

Today if you’re reading this, I hope you’ll at least try to pay attention to what you say. Think mindfully about how to speak with others and make a conscious effort to change your bad speaking habits. Taking a pause to say nothing at all while you plan your next words might help others stop and listen to what you’re saying instead of what you can’t get out of your mouth.

Speaking passionately about something you know and understand should be effortless. Just try it! Speak with passion, and without the words that are not helping you get your message across to those you want to inspire!

Living in a Time of Choice

Last week was the Inauguration of our new President, Joe Biden. I didn’t watch any of it live; I don’t have live TV; and as I was working during the day, I barely read anything about the day’s events until much later in the evening.

Since that day there have been a lot of changes ~ executive orders ~ meant to undo everything our previous President put in place. I’m not sure that our country can make any headway if every President simply has the power to undo whatever was put in place by their predecessor. Whether we agree or not with every decision made by someone in power, we should at least evaluate better what should be kept and what could be discarded.

It disheartens me when I see party-line decisions from both parties simply trying to thwart each other without even giving such legislation a chance to make a difference.

As I look to my own life, I see that choice is one of the greatest gifts we as Americans are afforded. We live in a country that allows us to choose much. We can choose who we support, how we worship, our profession, where we want to live, and what kind of person we want to be. I may not have all of life’s big questions answered for myself, but I’m certainly glad I don’t have to do as someone else tells me to do.

I’ve had the opportunity to live and travel to many places around the world. I’ve seen for myself how others live and the oppression a country can bestow on their citizens when they take away choice.

We are truly blessed as a nation, and our Constitution has ensured we will have these rights for a long time to come. It was written with an Infinite mindset. One that we should not take for granted.

Today I’m proud to be an American.

I’m proud to live in a free land where I have choices that I can weigh the consequences of for myself and determine the path I want to take. God Bless the United States of America!

Wind, Glorious Wind

Remember the phrase: Rain, Rain, Go away; come again another day!
I believe water damage is the worst issue to deal with in your home.

However, Wind is now a close second!

I moved into my home in 2018; a modern home with newer ~ well ~ everything(!) compared to my previous home. Within the last year we’ve had several wind storms, which I thought wouldn’t be so bad where I live. My home is not in the direct canyon path, but it does sit on a ridge to the north of a canyon, and we get quite a lot of wind here. Two storms with over 60 mph winds have wreaked havoc in our neighborhood, and this second wind (last night) took out almost half of my brand new roof.

Granted, the last windstorm was in September, and I worked for several months with my insurance company to finally get it replaced. I wasn’t thrilled that it would happen in the winter, for sure, but they told me it would be fine. They do roof repairs all year round! Well, I’m not so sure I’d ever do THAT again!

I think there’s a reason why doing it in warmer weather is best for your roof. It has something to do with how it seals together.

Most of my new roof pieces are strewn across my backyard, front yard, and even in my neighbor’s yard. All I can do at this point is sigh, S I G H. The image here is today’s work by the roofing company to cover up the damaged section of roof. The yard looks like discarded roof wreckage!

I’m speaking the new phrase: Wind, Wind, Go away; Come again another day! Year! Decade!

Fine With Asking

Someone asks you, “How are you doing?”

You answer, “I’m fine.”

Do you really mean it? There are times when we truly are fine, but maybe it’s the tone they take when asking that makes you respond in such a way that makes them question or ask, “really?”.

I am someone who doesn’t mind if people ask, but I do not always think they are asking for my benefit; I worry that they will take that question one step further into my response that will possibly hurt their feelings, “It’s actually none of your business!” If you know me well, you’ll know by my response if I’m willing to share more.

I don’t like when others “grill” me about my life. I like to volunteer information on my own terms. Maybe this is because I’m a single woman who has come a long way to get where I am today, and I like who I am now. Probing me about how I’m doing is very personal. And, if I don’t know you well, I don’t want to share. It makes me vulnerable. Being vulnerable is not a place I’m comfortable with any longer.

That doesn’t mean I can’t be vulnerable to those I love. I can be. But it has to be on my terms.

So you can ask; I may not answer the way you expect, but I will answer with what I’m comfortable with; Accept it and if you really want to know me better ~ someday I might divulge more.

For now, “I’m fine.”

Capturing a Moment in Time

I love capturing a moment in time. My memory is not as sharp as it once was, but a picture capturing some special moment brings vivid images to my mind about how I felt when the picture was taken.

One thing through the years that I’ve always enjoyed is picture taking. Yes, the medium has changed from snap cameras and more elaborate cameras with zoom lenses and different speed film to what we have today ~ advanced smartphones with the ability to take top notch pictures digitally as well as fully digital cameras with lots of options for a more professional look.

Many of us use a digital medium to store those pictures as well. However, the old photo album holds a nostalgic place in history. Family albums of pictures from trips taken, those first steps of a child captured to the delight of all. Now mine are all stored away – not easily grabbed and looked at; not easily shared.

Flickr and Amazon are two I use, and I love that as I take pictures with my camera, they appear on my TV screensaver almost immediately.

However, there are times when I simply want a printed picture to hang on the wall. Yearly school pictures of my children, grandchildren; family photos when we get together once every year or so. Those are ways I continue to connect with family and the past I love to reconnect with.

News came today that Costco is closing down its Photo Centers come mid-February. This is one of the only places left where you can take your digital media in and walk away with pictures in short order. They also offer canvas, poster, and other size pictures that allow you to commemorate other events such as family picture Christmas cards.

When other photo labs left the business, maybe as long ago as ten years, I wasn’t too worried at the time knowing times were changing. However, occasionally I would have to be reminded that holding a picture in hand is something that’s a part of who I’ve always been. I do it less, but it’s still there in my memory.

Printing pictures on photo paper from my printer is costly. More costly than a photo lab. It’s doable, but it’s definitely not the same.

I like…printed pictures.

Civically Engaged ~ Without All the Rage

As someone who doesn’t take the local paper or have live TV, I find that I’m a little happier these days. I don’t have first hand accounts of the violence going on in our nation, and I don’t subscribe to the rants that seem to be overly negative about our country at the present time.

There seems to be a pervasive feeling that everything Trump is bad. Everything Republican is bad. Everything Democratic must then be good? I don’t buy it.

I don’t have an attitude of injustice nor do I play the blame game. Our country is made up of both people who make both good and bad decisions, and those making bad decisions publicly seem to monopolize the spotlight and become the targets for all people who have ever affiliated with them or their beliefs; regardless of the truth.

I’m taking a community course about Civic Engagement through Weber State University. Last night was the first session, and for an hour we week we learn about how our government works; not just nationally, but also at the state level, the local level and the county level. We will get to know who we go to if we have questions, concerns, and/or want to share our ideas and hopes for our own communities.

By becoming more engaged in my own community, I hope to at least be an example of someone who cares about doing the right thing and taking a stand on the issues that concern me, without all the rage and blaming that have been flooding our country through protests turning to violence.

Become engaged in a positive way. Remember, knowledge is power.

Find a way to contribute through good works, good words, and good leadership. I challenge you to become more civically engaged in a positive way!

Working Remotely In Utah

I love my job.

I love the university I work for: Weber State University in Ogden, UT.

And, I even like working from home.

There are many benefits to working remotely, and COVID-19 has made this a must for many of us who work in Higher Education. There are some habits that can become second nature when your work environment changes like this though, and the most noticeable to one’s self is probably – what are my daily hygiene habits going to be?

Haha, I say this with a smirk on my face as I would bet that every person working from home pushes up against their new norm and decisions about personal hygiene daily. Those who are okay with continuing to take a daily shower and getting dressed fully, if for no other reason than to look decent on camera and stay warm on a cold winter’s day, Kudos. For those who wake up and do the minimal work to start their day – maybe brush their hair, change out of PJs, and decide yes or no to brush their teeth (HAHA) let’s just say, It’s an easy compromise since most you’re talking with over Zoom won’t notice the difference.

I find that less distractions from coworkers talking in the hallway are a plus, but I also miss some of those same conversations that helped my relationships with my coworkers to grow stronger. Some slight bantering and winning sports teams or funky halloween costumes were missed this year. My home office is near a window so I can see the changing weather and be here for packages dropped off on my doorstep. I can get up and make a quick lunch or step away to use the facilities without having to wait out someone else doing the same.

But there is a downside. It can sometimes be a bit lonely.

I don’t mean lonely in that no one ever talk to me or I don’t participate in meetings with others. But there is a feeling isolation when everyone you associate with is also at their home location (or a few working from the office) without much personal touch interaction.

The definition of remote on Dictionary.com states: far apart; far distant in space; or situated some distance away. It can also refer to being secluded.

I think of book writers to seclude themselves in some winter cabin or at a lakeside home with beautiful views working on a book to maintain focus on their story. I don’t think of business people ~ or even Higher Education employees ~ secluding themselves to help students learn subject matter to help them earn a degree.

Remote work is part of what we are doing now, and I don’t see it going away once the pandemic circumstances change/improve. I think this type of work will allow those living in remote locations anywhere to increase their job opportunities and provide businesses with an avenue to recruit top talent. Those are all positives. Utah has a new focus specifically to improve opportunities for workers in the State.

A NEW WORKPLACE: Modernizing Where, How, & When Utah Works

The Deployment Guidebook was released along with two executive orders from Spencer J. Cox, Utah’s 2021 elected Governor, for Utah businesses to embrace about the new approach to remote work. I’m excited to see this unfold and our University embrace this movement as we continue to define how it will work at Weber State University.

Daily Habits – Motivation to Begin

It can be difficult to develop new habits.
Wanting to change your life in positive ways or wanting to find a way to add flavor to your life can be rewarding.
It can also be scary.
A new habit is one that takes time to develop, to build. The need to see it through and want nothing more than to have it become a part of who you are is not an easy thing to do.

I have good habits and bad habits.
Some of the bad habits are the easiest to enjoy; like eating chocolate before a healthy meal or like staying up all night to read a book you just can’t put down!
It’s 2021; a year of hope and change. Especially after the decidedly strange year of 2020, I believe a change is in order.

I am motivated to make changes that will inspire me this year, and the first change is to write, blog, journal, post, or speak about what is important to me.

May you find a way to make positive changes for yourself…
Daily habits that motivative you and those you love.